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manor from heaven
Patriotic Welshman Chris Parvin visits Celtic Manor, venue for this year’s Ryder Cup. It’s the first time the competition has been held in Wales…on a course built specially for the event.
Ah Wales. A coal mine on every doorstep, rugby everywhere, and gangs of men roaming the dour valleys singing guttural four-part harmony hymns at complete strangers, right?
No, not at all, or as they say in Welsh, dim o gwbl.
Let’s get a few things straight here…
First, a large part of Wales is made up of hundreds of kilometres of stunning golden sandy coastline populated with numerous surf communities.
Second, the Welsh interior is a stunningly verdant collection of rolling hills surmounting broad meadows patchworked with a charming agriculture unchanged for centuries.
Third, the majority of Wales is in the southern half of the UK, so the weather is nowhere near that dreary, dank Coronation Street stereotype people are so fond of harking back to.
It’s beautiful, or as they say in Wales, hyfryd iawn.
All of which adds up to a nice puff for the Welsh tourism authorities, but to misquote Shania Twain, that don’t impress Ryder Cup officials much.
Their formula is far more demanding than having a pretty place to bring the world’s finest golfers to battle it out, and naturally enough it all starts with a course that demands total command of every facet of the game at expert level.
It should be a psychologist’s nightmare to think your way around; it should be long enough to demand drives of a Thor-like strength and a fighter-pilot’s precision; it should be riddled with defences that pop up like bells on a stygian pinball table – presumably none of these phrases appear in the ‘Picking a Ryder Cup course’ handbook, but two hours from Heathrow, Celtic Manor has prepared something that exceeds every single one of those demands, and has a few more up its sleeve for good measure.
But, and it’s a large one, for the rest of the golfing world, it has to have some other qualities too.
See, anybody who’s in a position to do so, will want to play this America v Europe battlefield, so it has to be a few other things as well.
Your average golfer wants to tell the mates back home he had a good time, wasn’t entirely overawed, played out of that bunker where someone great fluffed a shot, and almost played handicap golf.
Similarly he doesn’t want to come off saying he’s just spent a bunch of money on an ego-trip resort course with all the Ryder rough shaved off and bale-out options at every turn.
And in case you haven’t worked out where this is going yet, Celtic Manor appears to have re-written the book on a course, hotel, restaurants… in fact the whole wanabee Ryder Cup experience. Make no mistake, you’ll know you’ve taken it on alright, but you won’t mind at all, fairplay, or as they say in Wales, chwarae teg.
And the fact that it’s in Wales, where wry humour is never far away, makes it extra special. So welcome, to the Twenty Ten course, or as the locals call it, the 10-past eight.
THE COURSE
When you rock up to the Twenty Ten you’ll be ready for a challenge, and so you should be, because this thing is an awesome prospect.
But be prepared for a wee bit of poetry to slide into your pre-game haggle with your playing partners too.
Set beneath the low hills of the ancient Roman fort town of Caerleon (pronounced - Kye-rrr-lee-onn) the course extends over a valley wide and shallow enough to let in acres of sunshine. Sparkling fairway-side lakes shimmer their upcoming threat in the distance and blindingly white sand is everywhere.
The mandatory half-hour pre-tee-off reporting time is made easier with the obligatory driving range and pyramids of free balls, and elevated to super-enjoyable by the heavily accented briefing from the first tee marshals.
Which is where the fun begins.
We’ve all been to snooty golf clubs famous for hosting this or that, where officials look down their noses at you. That simply doesn’t happen here.
Apart from the accents, the Celtic Manor service ethic will make you feel as if you’d never left Australasia.
It’s professional, it’s courteous, it’s comprehensive but above everything else, it’s warm and friendly.
Which is good, because when you get called to the tee and stare down the first fairway, it helps to be a bit relaxed as you feel the frisson of that momentary thrill of apprehension.
Great feet have quaked in expensive golf shoes where you’re standing now…well about 30 metres back actually, but you get the gist.
If you’re the nervous type on these occasions, clout it away down the right-hand-side, out of the way of magnetic bunkers and sneaky rough, and put yourself in a position to see the green. You’ll still need a bit of a needle and thread to get between the two sandy sentinels that front the putting surface in regulation, but you’ll be away and playing your own Ryder Cup, and your natural game can take over.
Building a course especially for the event means the Twenty Ten boasts not one signature hole but six!
The par-3 third is the first of them, inviting you to take on the 146-metre carry to get over the water on the left.
If that’s not too arduous, ball-eating goblins lurk in the evil bunker at the right of the green and its deep depression at the rear could wipe the smile off anybody’s face.
If you left the backspin instruction book in the garage, this might be the time to err on the side of caution and bump and run your way home.
A wee way further on you’ll discover the delights of the 413-metre par-4 sixth.
A pretty looking lake all along the right-hand side of the fairway shadows the dog-leg mercilessly, while a pernicious collection of rough and bunkers forces the second shot through a keyhole of fairway between sand and water to the green.
So no surprises yet then. The Twenty Ten punches well above its weight in the put-em-up stakes and every shot in your bag might not feel like enough to survive the onslaught. Just wait until you get to the 10th.
Elevated tee, elevated green, pot bunkers akimbo exactly where you don’t want them and 164 metres from the men’s tees to the seemingly mythical centre of the putting surface… par threes don’t come any more demanding, and that’s on a windless day.
Course design includes a brilliant feature here though: a snack bar at the top of the hill overlooking the whole arena you’ve just campaigned through. Never has so much been owed to one chocolate bar by so many golfers.
The great part is that because this is a real championship course you’ll always have stories to tell, and that theme continues throughout the next section, which includes the signaturest of the signature holes. If this were a theme park ride it would have a name like The Lakes of Death! or Water Torture! At Celtic Manor it’s beguilingly known as the par-4, 348-metre 14th.
Those 348 metres demand either a blisteringly long, pinpoint accurate drive or a blisteringly long, pinpoint accurate second. But only if you’re obsessed with getting a good score…
If all you want to do is finish with the same ball you’ll stroke one gently to the left of the pond on the right, then sneakily kick it down the fairway to the right when nobody’s looking, to avoid the pond on the left.
Then all you have to do is chip daintily onto the green, resisting the urge to go a long way right to avoid the water again, or you’ll be pulling out the club with ‘S’ on it, and playing an equally timid explosion shot onto the green while hoping you don’t send it where? Yup, back into the water again.
All this holding back of emotions, strength and consequently technique, is a lot for a golfer 14-holes in, so once again the course designer’s skill comes into play – you have to walk past the same snack bar again to get to the 15th tee.
You might well need that second chocolate bar too, because this is where fitness and energy starts to separate the men from, well, the other men, the ones who got buggies.
Whether you decide to take on the trees with a high drive up to the green, or play straight up the fairway hoping the ball will fade at exactly the right moment to allow you to see the green, snap-dog-legged around the forest for your second, you’ve got a steep, demanding walk to get there.
The Golf Vacations tip here is to do what I did and take an elderly friend with you who needs motorised help, then cop a lift.
The pay-off for conquering this mini-mountain trek is arriving at the finishing holes that offer an increasingly splendid view of the early parts of the course.
As you traverse the hill that climbs steadily towards the end, the view suggests this layout has been here since the first organised people took up residence thousands of years ago clad in their togas and tunics.
All of which you’ll forget for a while as you steam down into one of the greatest finishes in international golf.
The 525-metre 18th takes you home in astonishing style and politely requests you show it five or fewer perfect shots-worth of respect.
It’s not just the fact you have to play in beneath the imposing clubhouse far above the green. That would be too generous.
No, for this you first have to get your ball to the edge of a precipitous drop some 182-metres from the green, then steel yourself to unleash something that will fly the protective moat while not landing short of the steep hillock it sits on, or coasting into a collection of lethal bunkers that sit behind it.
This isn’t playing a par five, it’s storming a medieval castle and you could be forgiven for thinking the gallery is ready to unleash boiling oil from their pint pots.
However, none of this matters as, no matter how you’ve played, the ambience of the place envelops you like a life member.
No sooner have your clubs and shoes been whisked away, only to reappear afterwards, freshly and lovingly cleaned and with your shoes in a souvenir Twenty Ten bag if you’re lucky, than you’re welcomed in a bar where, maybe everybody doesn’t know your name yet, but you get the feeling they’d be happy to.
When Sir Terence Matthews built Celtic Manor around the former manor house and maternity hospital he was born in, few people realised he was starting a Welsh revolution in modern British golf.
The standard has been raised immeasurably, and any old-fashioned stuffed shirt, stiff-upper-lipped snob value has been well and truly left for dead.
You’re treated like grown-up humans, smiled at, joked with, respected, helped at every opportunity and served like a benevolent regular.
Whatever happens in the future of golf tourism in the UK it can learn a heck of a lot from a place that provides a genuine welcome in the hillsides.
But be warned, you may well feel like moving in.
at a glance
Getting there: Qantas, British Airways, Virgin Atlantic and Emirates all fly to London.
Qantas. Phone 13 13 13 or visit www.qantas.com.au
British Airways. Phone 1300 767 177 or visit
www.britishairways.com
Virgin Atlantic. Phone 1300 727 340 or visit
www.virgin-atlantic.com
Emirates. (03) 9940 7807 or visit
www.emirates.com/au
Celtic Manor is a two-hour drive from London. Cardiff and its international airport are 30 minutes away.
Golf: The Twenty Ten, 6,851 metres, par 71. Water hazards on half of the holes, with trees, slopes, rises, dips and length combining everywhere.The Roman Road, 5,957 metres, par 70. Designed by Robert Trent Jones Snr and overlooking the Severn Estuary. The Montgomerie, 5,825 metres, par 69. A Colin Montgomerie-designed layout that brings links golf inland in style.
Green Fees: The Twenty Ten. Mon – Thu, £175. Fri – Sun £195 (July – Sep). The Roman Road. Mon – Thu, £39. Fri – Sun £53 (July – Sep). The Montgomerie. Mon – Thu, £35. Fri – Sun £46 (July – Sep).
Accommodation: A luxury 330-room, 32 suite, five-star hotel plus the 19th century Manor House, complete with 70 superbly appointed rooms.
Dining: The Crown at Celtic Manor – three AA Rosettes. The Olive Tree – informal Mediterranean buffet overlooking the Roman Road course. Le Patio – a French bistro in a superb conservatory setting. Rafters Restaurant – modern European menu in contemporary style at the Twenty Ten clubhouse. Merlins – a very cool piano bar with library, conservatory and terrace for all-day snacks and afternoon teas.
Other attractions: Two health clubs, including a high-tech 54-station gym, aerobics and dance studio, the Forum Café, two 20-metre swimming pools, children’s pools, spa pools and sauna, two spas, tennis, fishing, mountain-biking, walking and running trails.
For more information:
www.celtic-manor.com
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